Casting the unnecessary Star Wars remake.

In a galaxy not so far, far away (Hollywood) the popular trend right now seems to be the unnecessary remaking of classic films and television programs, recasting them with an energetic young ensemble cast. Although, I should point out they’re no longer called remakes - they have catchy buzzwords like “jumpstart” or “reboot” to describe them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually looking forward to seeing the JJ Abram’s Star Trek reinvigoration and the much-rumored John Singleton A-Team film. However, all the horror movie remakes, I can do without.

Here’s a look the cast of my imaginary Star Wars reboot that I’ve been invited to pretend-direct:

Han Solo (played by Josh Holloway).
Let’s just get it out of the way and say that he’s pretty much already playing Han Solo on Lost. Maybe I just want to see Sawyer in space. I have a feeling he’s going to be a mega-star and it’s only a matter of time until you see him in at least six movies a year. He’ll be the new Clive Owen.

Princess Leia (played by Anne Hathaway).
I really had to fight the studio execs on this one, as they wanted Jessica Alba for the part. Luckily she was busy shooting Fantastic Four: Another CGI Villain and wouldn’t be available for months. Also, I had went into the project looking at Mandy Moore for the role, but after taking a lunch with Anne (mineral water and vitamins) I knew she was who I wanted as my space diva.

Luke Skywalker (played by Shia LaBeouf)

This one I had nothing to do with, the studio execs forced my hand in casting Lebeouf. I think it’s a good casting choice though, Shia’s got the acting chops and he’ll make a believable farm boy turned intergalactic hero. We originally tested Michael Cera and Paul Walker for the role, but neither of them really worked out.

Obi Wan Kenobi (Played by Hugo Weaving)
When I think of weird mystical guys, Albus Dumbledore and Hugo Weaving come to mind. Only one of them is a real person, so Hugo landed the part. I think he’ll be a pretty kick-ass Obi Wan, and I’ve also secretly cast him as Emperor Palpatine in my imaginary sequel. You have to pretend-wait until 2013 to see how that pans out.

Lando Calrissian (played by Blair Underwood)

I know Lando isn’t even in the original Star Wars movie that I’m remaking, but since this is a “reboot” I’m gonna just add him to the trilogy early (Spoiler: He shoots Greedo). I chose Underwood because I’ve seen him in like ninety television shows this year, he’s a great actor, and his random search engine imagine actually looked sorta Lando-ish.

That’s as far as I got with the casting decisions before I daydreamed that Executive Producer, George Lucas stepped in and decided to make the rest of the cast entirely out of CGI - which is probably a good thing since I thought it’d be funny to have Rick Moranis show up as Shia LaBeouf’s Darth Father. Also, I’m close to inking an imaginary-deal with Ricky Gervais to voice C3PO for the trilogy. The weird thing about this completely pointless exercise is how I was able to cast a movie that looks borderline terrible, and yet somewhat entertaining at the same time.