Supernatural interventions in this modern age.

I once read this comic book about Dracula running around in our modern age, and how one evening he decided to pop into the White House to have a word with the President. If you’ll remember: old-school vampires can turn into fog or various beasts at will. Anyway, he met with the President, eventually got bored, and then mesmerized him, making him a lapdog for his Satanic endeavors.

This story stuck with me, and on occasion I imagine myself having vast Dracula-ish or Gandalf-like powers and privately popping in on various celebrities and world leaders. My meeting with the President would undoubtedly start with the phrase, “Dude, what the fuck? Seriously.” During this visit, we’d chat - or I’d chat, as the other sat frozen in place by my mystical powers, forced to listen - and then I’d teleport out before his next appointment (or in the case of the current administration: tee time). As I drove home from work today I daydreamed about the calamitous plight of Britney Spears (as I often do), and how I would like to teleport into her life one evening with the intent of performing some sort of supernatural intervention. That would involve me taking Britney on a “Ghost of Christmas Future” tour of her life, or perhaps just bonking her over the head with my warlock staff.

Of course in today’s society, people with wizard powers are limited to table-top dice games and the convention floor of the San Diego ComiCon. So who is left to help straighten Britney out, if not those adept in transfiguration? Perhaps the kind folks from the Church of Scientology should make a run at her. They’ve got the money and resources, and always seem keen on enlisting new celebrity clients. Instead of wasting time of trying to recruit stars like Will Smith - who clearly already have their shit together - they should be trying to snatch-up a troubled starlet and help turn her life around. I have no idea what goes into that process, but I imagine it involves someone getting out their checkbook. It’d be a major score for them if it worked out. Maybe they’ve already thought of this and decided against it, realizing that it was way too insensitive or near impossible. Or perhaps they don’t really have the resources, seeing that much of it goes into Tom Cruise videos and super-deluxe cruise ships. Either way, they’re probably not as evil as I give them credit for - something I definitely can’t say about that Dracula.