Tuesday, February 01, 2005

BAMF arrives

Okay, so we're not road trippin' anymore, but the pieces are still falling into place. A few days ago my car (BAMF) arrived, via auto transport. I would've written about it soon, but I've been in Orlando.

I hunted around for a good company to haul my car across the country without taking all my cash. But, even after I found the highest reccomended one I came to realize that they just book your contract, and then farm it out to random truck drivers.

That's how I got Viktor Kghstkhsadkljf (im not sure if that's how is last name is spelled, but that's the appoximate prounounciation). He speaks with a thick Ukranian-type accent, in very deliberate broken English.

I met him in Portland when he picked my car up, and after I signed off on my car he was all, "We are finish. You go now." So, my converation with him on the other side of the country was quite similar:

(phone rings)

LL Robot: "Hello?"
Viktor: "Yes. I'm am driver of truck."
Ll Robot: "Oh..okay. How's it going?"
Viktor: "Yes. I drive car to you. Can you meet truck, yes?"
LL Robot: "Sure. You tell me when."
Viktor: "Yes. I meet you by the Chin Buffit now."

Chin Buffit, was actually the China Buffet Resturant next door.

And, as you can see, I got my car back in one piece, although a little dirty. That Viktor did a fine job. Looking back, I like to imagine Viktor fighting off auto transport bandints in the night with nothing more than a tire iron, and vague threats of bodily harm.

"You go now. I kill you, yes?"

Saturday, January 29, 2005

the last supper... sort of...

Hasser writes:

I made it back to Portland in one piece! The flights back were ok... and it gave me a chance to visit with Mama Hasser for a couple hours. But after driving cross country to get LL Robot to his new home in Greenville, flying back seemed a little... obscene. Not that I hate flying by any means. But after traveling much of the country... by ground transportation... hopping on a plane to head back west seemed too easy.
But I made it back to a glorious rainy evening here in the Rose City.

Before I left Friday afternoon, LL Robot and I had our last supper together (for now) at my all-time most favorite Southern BBQ Restaurant, which just happens to have a location in Greenville.

If you ever have the opportunity to eat at a Sonny's BBQ, by all means, drop what you're doing and get ready to pig out on some extremely good grub. And that's exactly what we did.

My favorite item is the full slab of babyback pork ribs. They're just about as close to hog heaven as you can get (pun most definitely intended).

LL Robot is more of a "pulled pork" kind of guy... so that's what he chowed down on for his first Sonny's experience. Did I mention it was "all you can eat" pulled pork? He made a valiant effort.

It's probably been about 6 years since I last indulged on Sonny's. So I really savored each and every bite of that big ol' plate of ribs.

Of course, now I'm back home in the Pacific Northwest, which is really not known for its BBQ. So I'll just have to go back to munching on tree bark or something.

As for saying goodbye today to the friends I dearly love, I can't tell you how difficult it is to know I won't see them for some time. But I feel comforted knowing they're in a good place. Greenville seems like a kick ass little city, and I know KyAnn and LLR are going to make it even better.

So now, I'm going to wipe the tears which are currently swelling in the corners of my eyes, and say good night. The road trip may be over, but there are still a few stories to tell. Expect to see them in the coming days.

Friday, January 28, 2005


The roadtrip is officially over now that Hasser took off a few hours ago. I dropped him off at the Greenville Int'l Airport and ran off before I started crying.

Now, I'm sitting in my hotel room waiting for the big ice storm to hit. I'm trying to alias my Xbox to the hotel's free internet, so I can play some Halo2 online up in here.

Our roadtrip blog will continue for a little while, since I don't really want to put any of this stuff up on my main site. And, Hasser says he's got a ton of stuff to post when he gets home tonight.

Also, I am already 15 pounds fatter, since I've moved here (which was like 2 days ago). Too much BBQ and sweet tea.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

checkin' it all out.

Robot writes:

We've been checking out the town (of Greenville), and it's pretty cool.

There's some areas that are a lot like trendy, 23'rd ave (my old hood) in PDX, and they have a Best Buy, some coffe shops with wifi, and a few comic book shops - so I'm warming up to it so far.

I did see one weird store sign that said "TNT for Jesus" and had a stick of dynamite blowing up. [Note to self: Must investigate further.]

No word on a job yet, but here's an exterior view of my new place.

It's a loft called, "Mill's Mill" or something, and it's a renovated factory mill. Totally rad.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

south carolina

Robot writes:

We made it!
And, now it's time for food, showers, and some Halo 2. And, we gotta catch-up with my girl, Kyann!

Thew adventure doesn't end here. There'll be some more stuff over the next few days! Hasser really wants to post photos of some of his favorite truck-stop bathroom graffitti. And, I have a few little things I want to add to the blog.

And, we really havent even seen city yet!

more later...


powering through

We decided to "power on through" and keep driving non-stop. That's why we haven't been blogging much. One of us drives, while the other one power naps. Then we trade off every two-hours.

I think we've listened to my mega Scissor Sisters CD about 500 times. I'm gonna remember half this county with phrases like "You can't see tits on the radio" attatched to them (that and Hasser's weird retard-voice that he likes to sing songs in sometimes].

Not stopping (except for the Waffle House in Nashville) has allowed us to tear through 5 states over the last 20 hours.

The cost: our sanity.


Early in the morning...still driving.


Robot writes:

Hasser and I left Denver, and kept on drving through the night. We decided to take a break near Oklahoma City when Hasser kept yelling, "Steak N Shake!" every time we passed a billboard for it. That was every three miles for 60 miles.

So, we went to Steak N Shake and got some delicious burgers, and ate them outside the truck stop. And a funny thing happened...

Right when we bit into our burgers, and Hasser let out a sigh of fulfilment, we heard a loud "Mooo!" We took more bite, and heard it again. Right then we noticed that we were near a semi cattle car that was filling up.

And, I SWEAR, every time we took a bite, the cows freaked out! Did they know? Probably not, and the burgers made it difficult to care.

[ON AN UNRELATED NOTE: It wasn't like we were feeding the cows hamburgers or anything. Which reminded me of the time my friend, Seanbaby told me about when he was in Mexico. He went to a resturant where they served LIVE lobster, and you had to cook it at your table. Seanbaby cooked the tail end of the lobster and fed it to the other end of the lobster - who thought it was delicious.]

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

crying in kansas

Were nearly through Kansas... and I have to say both
of us are pretty disappointed! Theres no coat factory
in Burlington, and theres no lineman in Wichita!

Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty viruses.

verizon sucks

I set my blog up to automatically update and publish when I send a cell phone picture to my blog. It totally works, but at a price.

Verizon sends like 3 pages of spam about how great thier camera phones are and a ton of other random junk. Anyone know a way to get that shut off so I can just send a normal email?


Robot writes:

We're halfway through Kansas, and just found a big-ass truck stop that has free internet for truckers. And, even though we aren't truckers we still fill up at the diesel pumps, so we're okay by their our standards.

About thirty minutes ago we were behind an SUV towing a U-haul car carrier. They were driving on an extremely flat tire which was shooting off a ton of sparks, and possibly flames.

As cars passed them, we could see drivers trying to tell them to pull over. They never did. This went on a for several minutes. I tried to get a more 'sparky' shot, but Hasser drove up next to them, and it was my turn to wave my arms and mouth the phrase "pull over!"

It was a bunch of skater guys (and gals), and they were all, "yeah..we KNOW!" We drove off, and kept looking back at them.

They never pulled over.

denver hospitality

Robot writes:

We made our way to Denver last night, and stopped at the best hotel in the world: Grandma's house!

Check out these accommodations! Hasser and I got the deluxe "grandkids room" to stay in.

And while they might not have cable television, we were able to do some bloggin' - apparently their neighbors have wireless internet. Who knew? Check out Hasser bloggin' from Grandma's couch.

And, there's a bunch of really old, embarrassing photos of me around the place. Back when I had senior photos taken in high school, my mom kept the proofs and sent them to relatives.

Here's one of the reject pictures. In this particular photo I'm dreaming of exploring this great nation, and now here I am LIVING THE DREAM!

Anyway, we had a great time (and a great big breakfast), and it's time to get on the road. Another 1500 miles to go!
1325 Miles down. 1500 To go!

close call

Hasser writes:

We're extremely lucky on this trip to be driving a brand new Turbo Diesel VW Jetta. The gas mileage is truly amazing. Of course, we really put that fact to the test... but it nearly cost us big time.

As I was driving somewhere in Utah, I noticed we only had a 1/4 tank of fuel left. Robot and I discussed the situation, and we both decided... hey... we'll be fine... it's a diesel and goes forever.

One thing we failed to realize is... we were somewhere in the middle of Utah... and gas station locations are at a minimum. Every exit we passed had a big blue sign on it which read, "no services this exit." Yeah... we were getting pretty nervous.
We kept driving though. And as we looked at each other occasionally with worried shrugs... I was keeping an eye on the gradually decreasing gas gauge.

I swear, it seemed like hours passed as we kept driving and getting more and more worried. At this point we were figuring out our plan for when (and we were keeping our fingers crossed it wouldn't happen) the poor car finally just stopped going.

But somehow, after nearly two hours and over a hundred miles later, there they were... a barrage of billboards advertising food, gas, and lodging. We had barely made it back to civilization... most likely driving on our very last diesel fumes.

Of course, this was our very first fill-up since leaving Oregon. So, after pulling into the gas station, Robot and I sat in the car, patiently waiting for the attendant to come up to the window and ask us how much gas we wanted to put in.
Oh yeah... we're in Wyoming now... we're going to have to figure out how to pump our OWN gas.

So much for the comforts of home. But, after that excruciating experience, I'm sure we'll be more diligent about hitting every gas station we see.

Robot writes:

Our tank was a "P hair" from empty and it went 30ish miles - for the record.

Monday, January 24, 2005

greetings from wyoming

there and back again

Robot writes:

Being the such a dork, I brought along a Frodo doll as our trip mascot. He mostly sits on the dashboard and quietly judges us.

Yesterday we let him out at the Idaho/Utah border to pose for a photo.

Taking that photo was the last time we had any fun for, like 400 miles.

snake in the bush

Hasser writes:

I've been to some weird truck stops in my life... but I think the one Robot and I encountered in Twin Falls, Idaho, takes the cake by far.

It's a gigantic complex that sets right off I-84 called "The Garden of Eden." It's your basic truck stop with facilities ranging from gas pumps, truckers' lounge, a 24 hour restaurant, and a Taco Bell & TCBY to boot!
We decided to eat at the all night cafe... which was probably a mistake. Our waitress a sturdy, surly and half asleep woman, who wasn't really pleased to deal with "City Boys" at midnight. But we were there, and we wanted some food.

Both Robot and I decided whatever we eat, we had to have Idaho's famous tater-tots as our side. And they were, indeed, delicious. But I really don't think we need a pound of them on each of our plates. Honestly, I was a disappointed in the food. Not in the taste, but more by the selection. In a place called "The Garden of Eden" I was really hoping to have some BBQ Adam's Rib... and maybe some forbidden fruit pie for dessert. But no... I had plain ol' chicken strips. Oh well.

Another weird thing about this truck stop, was the fairly tacky "Garden of Eden" eating garden area in the middle of the Complex. It had a really crappy fountain, and of course, the tree that Eve apparently picked the forbidden fruit from. And of course, there was a really hilarious giant "serpent" lurking in the lower branches. I can only imagine what drousy truckers think they've wandered into when they see the green paper mache' creature staring at them next to the Pepsi Cola drink cooler. But regardless of the rediculous theme of this place, I was really happy to see a little Krispy Kreme Kiosk for our breakfast enjoyment.

Who said you can't find paradise in the middle of Idaho?

- Hasser


Been driving for hours. no internet anywhere to blog. avoid idaho at all costs.

first few hundred miles

Robot writes:

Well, our original plan of blogging from the road wasn't as effective as we had hoped. Apparently no one outside Portland has heard of the internet, or at least the guys at the truck stops we visited.

Anyway, the drive has been pretty painless. We're driving a VW diesel car and the gas mileage is insane, especially when we're driving eighty-five seventy-five.

I haven't yet had the desire to strangle Hasser, and he's been suppling us with many weird-ass cassette tapes he's bought at various truck stops.

The oddest one so far has been about some guy called "Willie" as he makes prank calls to people. 90% of these crank calls involve him calling funeral homes and cremtoriums - which makes sense. Because as we all know:

phone prank + dead body jokes = hilarity.